Allow me to make my point.
Pornography, nudity, sexuality are not the enemy here.
They are a natural part of the human experience, like eating, sleeping, using the bathroom, etc. Sexual drives were created by god, if you believe the creationist line, for a reason. Sexual drives serve to facilitate pair bonding between mating couples. It works that way in nature and it works that way in humans. Straight up.
Attempting to repress any of them completely will only intensify their expression.
I am not advocating complete hedonism, but I do believe in healthy expression.
Humans have an added dimension. We are sentient. We recognize ourselves in a mirror and we are capable of pondering the nature of our own existence. However, we are hardwired in a certain way and DO act according to that hard wiring whether we know it or not.
We cannot live a compartmentalized existence. In order to be a complete, well rounded, well adjusted human being, we must allow expression of natural inclinations within prescribed boundaries. I have noticed, over the years, a very strange tendency on the part of LDS and recovering LDS members to shift into complete hedonism the minute the shackles of religious oppression are remove. When they begin drinking, they drink to excess. When they start having sex, they are promiscuous. When they begin to question divine authority, they turn rabid and angry. This settles down eventually and reaches a more moderate stage where none of these acts actually holds power over them anymore. Most people that I associate with not of the LDS persuasion do not show this tendency, but approach life with a degree of moderation.
I believe it is in response to the years of repression behind the inherent drives. Pornography is no different. What of overeating? Is that really a different expression?
What about hyper-religiosity?
Repression gives rise to excess and deviation.
Healthy expression gives rise to moderation.
There is a marker tendency in the LDS faith toward deification of the human male. Look at the folklore that surrounds its founder, its leaders and its priesthood holders. They pressure to become a demi-god or transcend some imaginary state referred to as “the natural man” has created a real conundrum. Too much is expected. Way too much.
The LDS faith creates unnatural, oddly delineated, unrealistic roles and expectation for man and woman. Joseph Smith himself was very active sexually with multiple partners in, and out, of the bonds of marriage, yet he is revered as a perfected man. What are we really saying here? Maybe suppressed sexuality is key to the kingdom, with its promise of sister wives and endless sexual union with perfected bodies on self styled planets.
Brigham Young advocated plural marriage as THE cure for promiscuity, whoredomes and masturbation. Do you understand the implications of that statement? He was advocating expression of sexuality, not repression. He was teaching that repression leads to excess and deviation. Could the drive toward satiation of sexual drive through the seeking of novelty in multiple partners actually be something that is taught, indirectly, in the quorums of the LDS church? Does any TBM male not, at sometime in their church career, fantasize about servicing multiple wives? It is in the history. It is in the doctrine. The last time I looked, polygamy was required to reach the CK.
Section 132 is still there…Doubt that? Read the history. These men were not as saintly as they would have you believe. If you are struggling with your man just looking at naked pictures of women he doesn’t have any kind of contact with or connection to, how will you handle it when he has thousands of readily available, emotionally attached spouses that he is engaging with sexually on a regular basis. What if he has children with them?
I’m not making this stuff up. It’s in the doctrine. It is part of the whole paradigm. It is possible, sisters, that the LDS faith actually promotes a tendency to express sexual novelty in its male members just as it encourages subservience, obedience and repression of sexual expression for its female members. That kinda fits that paradigm. How do you think Joseph’s wife felt when he was sleeping with Fanny Alger or any one of the 30+ documented plural wives? Is that kinda like you felt when you caught your priesthood holder looking at pornography? Maybe you should spend some serious time thinking about that. Enough said.
Meanwhile, out in the real world…
Sex isn’t evil. It isn’t dark. It doesn’t come from Satan or devils. It is part of all of us. Male sex drives, sisters may want to take note of this one, allows us, as men, to completely forget about all of the petty, little annoyances that we deal with in relationships. Sex is the great reset button, the equalizer, they comforter in a committed relationship whether you want to see that or not. Ask your husbands and boyfriends.
Observe them. When are they the happiest? When are they the most agreeable?
Say what you want, this is a fact.
You have a great deal of power here. You can make things horrible, or you can make things run smoothly with that power. I would go as far as to suggest a blanket refusal to acknowledge the power of female sexuality and the outright refusal to engage it in interpersonal relationships is at the core of all pornography issues. We are all drawn, men and women alike, to sexual power and virility. The expressions and external manifestations differ slightly according to the sexes, but the draw is there none the less.
Why do you fear that power? What is it about women that embody and celebrate it that really disturbs you? Is it your husband’s attention to the power of other women that disturbs you, or the total inability to embody it yourselves? It really is more than naked pictures. You are powerful beyond belief in a man’s world when you own your own sexuality. That is why you are urged not to. That kind of power has always threatened the patriarchy and their tenuous seat of authority. What are you so afraid of?
Honest, open, loving, committed relationships that have a great degree of sexual expression in a safe, non judgmental setting are amazing and healing experiences. What could be more rewarding, more fulfilling then spending intimate time with someone you love and trust completely, exploring, without guilt or shame, every aspect of one another. Pleasing and touching. Holding each other naked and close, striving, mutually, to give each other as much pleasure as you possibly can. Communicating wants and desires without fear or embarrassment. That is real beauty. That is real love. That is real intimacy.
In the absence of this safety, there will always be resentment and guilt. In the absence of safe, loving expression, there will always be a search for novelty outside of the relationship. Pornography doesn’t judge or belittle. It doesn’t get a headache or act repulsed when touched. It doesn’t pressure you to be more than is humanly possible. It is a lot like donuts. It loves you regardless….