At the risk of sounding too secular (boring and all science-like), I feel I need to give a few words of advice.
I am an old guy. A retired bad ass. I have raised kids, hell, I was even fourteen myself once back in the stone age. I think I have an idea of your viewpoint, of the heaviness of having to deal with adult situations without the benefit of adult experience…that sucks. It’s hard and scary and full of sinking, icky feelings and confusing boundaries.
Here’s some boring stuff I learned somewhere….
Lesson number one.
Adults are confused too. Sometimes they make very, very stupid mistakes and they only think about themselves. Its part of living way out here on the edge of the universe. We all screw up and we all make terrible choices from time to time. Sometimes kids make wiser decisions than their parents.
Lesson number two.
“No” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t need to be explained, or justified. There is no shame attached to it. No means no.
Lesson number three.
Guilt is like a thermometer, it rises with discomfort. If you feel bad about what is happening, then stop doing it. The damage isn’t permanent and it is just a learning situation. You aren’t broken, dirty or ruined in any way…just a bit smarter and aware of your own personal boundaries. Now you know where your discomfort is and you can make better choices about it in the future. You learned. That’s good.
Lesson number four.
Sex is complicated. It always will be. Fourteen is way too young to try and jump into that pool of crazy right now. Hell, forty seems kinda young!!! Enjoy being a kid for awhile and forget about all the adult stuff until you actually have to deal with it. Bad boys can wait. If he wants to leave, let him go. They are in endless supply.
Lesson number five.
A real man, a good man, will not push you or pressure you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or feel bad. A good man will wait for you to make your own choices.
God loves you and wants you to be happy. He’s probably overjoyed that you are aware enough to want to make serious choices. You sound pretty smart. You sound like you are headed in the right direction by asking for advice from the powerful, super-intelligent, spiritual women that frequent this forum. Stick with them as role models and you will be mopping the floor with bas ass boys in no time.
Get tough and keep your boundaries. Don’t despair and remember to give thanks for the lessons, even if they are hard ones. It’ll be ok. I promise