Celebrating personal discordia and spiritual anarchy.

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"Anarchy is not intended to be sustainable. It is not a system of government, a codified list of rules and beliefs, or a mind set geared toward cultural constructivism. It is a spark, a flash, a small flame that ignites a paradigm-obliterating explosion. It is destructive by nature. It lies dormant and, like diesel fuel, can only be ignited by tremendous pressure. It deconstructs. It strips flesh from bone and grinds bone to dust. It is doomed to consumption in the conflagration instigated by its own primal spark. It is a catalyst. It is tinder. It is powder and fuse."

Rich Oliver


Faint and ghostly
Breathing synchronized
Skin on skin
Warm scent of vodka and cherries
Her taste on my lips
Her breath on my neck

Was it a

Pray for sleep then.
And never wake.


Weighing Paths

To stand firm in the storm and see the colors of life swirl and collide, or retreat to shelter and hear only the frenetic wind outside of an empty, dark room...

The storm is for me. Beauty. Drama. Pain and pleasure. Living. I am alive. BTW I did find my balls, I will be using them from now on. What is to be feared? Is it gonna kill me? What if it does...I'm already dying. Some things are well worth the risk, especially when their absence drains the very joy from life and replaces it with drudgery.

Dance with me again. I won't run this time.

The Kali Shiva-Equation

Kali is the ocean, powerful, beautiful, destructive, dangerous, unpredictable, fertile with life. Shiva is the vessel upon the unfathomable force, attempting to navigate the storm and stress, attempting to remain on course despite the random chaos of the swell beneath. Kali is darkness, Shiva is the light. Chaos and order. Feminine and masculine. Neither may submit, neither may rule entirely. Struggle. Passion. Cosmic fucking. Both forces continually wrestling for balance and superiority, both seeking submission and simultaneous domination from the other. Therein lies the essence of life. Therein is the purpose and drive behind authentic existence. Penetration, submission, yielding and resisting, push, pull, love me-hate me, hate me-fuck me. Kali/Shiva locked in erotic combat, never exhausted, never satisfied.

"To get back to the calm stillness of the Source that is Brahma, both Shiva (masculine principle) and Kali (feminine principle) need to be united or fused together into one single whole, and this is further symbolised by the mutual orgasm reached in their sexual union. Now we can see the reason for the Hindu Lingam and Yoni symbol - meaning that the processes of consciousness - which governs physical phenomena - are in essence the same as the procreative process - the union of opposites."

"My eyes are not eyes, beloved, but arrows of light;
My eyebrows are not eyebrows, but swords for your Destruction."

Sounds a lot like dating to me. Maybe I should just relax into it....

Shiva, we must remember, keeps Kali from trashing the cosmos through patience and apparent submission. I think he does it out of choice, knowing that if he, like Kali, allows himself the luxury of total emotional immersion the very fabric of creation is in danger. Shiva stands for strength of purpose, steadfast energy and a grounded disposition, even when Kali is tearing off his dick and using it to impregnate herself...a sobering thought for any man thinking about entering into a relationship with true femininity.

Saying Goodbye

Sometimes a connection is so powerful and intense that it is actually painful to remain close to it. Though it leaves a gaping emptiness inside, it may be beneficial to sever the connection in order to focus and survive in everyday life. Ironic. The absence of the connection makes everyday life appear lifeless and without color. I wonder what is next? I wonder if I will ever feel that again? I wonder if I want to... connections like that change a person forever, it seems life would have been easier not knowing that something like that is truly possible. Very rare. I may never have that again. Is it really living, then? I suppose if I stay open to the possibility of finding it in the future, then the mystery remains and hope can find a toehold.
I am a husk in the wind. I am a dried reed. Has anyone seen my balls?

The Prayer is Still Good

Outcome supersedes the means, specifically as it pertains to manifesting thought and intention into three dimensional reality. The primal impulse originates within the psychic centers of the individual consciousness, spurred perhaps by movement within the holographic collective. The impulse gains form through distillation into thought and intention. When the impulse is stated verbally, visually or through another expressive medium into actual physical reality, it begins the process of physical manifestation into physical reality. The vehicle is irrelevant. The message appears the same vibrationally regardless of the specific manifestation.

In the case of "right and wrong" modes of manifestation... I have seriously misjudged certain individuals and their intentions because I projected my own internal processes and means of manifestation on to them and extrapolated probable internal processes according to my biased inclinations. I was wrong. The thinking errors are mine. Drumstick or rattle, the prayer is effective.


Things fade...

Situational Schizophrenia

I'm fine, really. I clean my house, pay bills, go to work, cook, pay taxes (not really) and maintain a normal, scheduled life. I shower, brush my teeth, wear clean clothing and appear fairly normal and grounded. Generally I am quite simple, I prefer clean, somewhat reserved surroundings and furnishings. I eat simply. Moderation is my mantra for most things. I don't drink much. I don't smoke anymore. I walk thirty minutes a day and work out three to four times a week... I'm emotionally stable (actually boring if you ask a few exes). So......
Why am I channeling Amy Winehouse? Why did I pay rent late this month incurring a $75 late fee (I have not paid rent late since 2006), walking around on a sprained foot gorked on pain killers, forgetting to show up for a scheduled shift at work, tearing my co workers a new one when they approached me oddly about a shift change, sleeping till noon, allowing my dishes and wash to pile up, not going to bed until 3 AM or skipping sleep all together for days, drinking nothing but coffee for days on end then devouring entire stores of ding dongs and cheese whiz, sending sexually inappropriate emails, writing rambling, Manson-like letters on the back of Jiffy Lube receipts and delivering them after midnight, and acting generally erratic and altogether nucking futz? Maybe I have a lesion on my temporal lobe. Maybe I am chemically imbalanced. Maybe I am experiencing early early early onset dementia. Maybe I am in love.

In the case of the first three possible causes, I would hope to seek professional help in controlling or eliminating the condition. In the latter, I hope I never recover.